My mind has escaped me this past month, and honestly? It has sucked. I cannot for the life of me, focus on. Well, anything. Huzzah, there is work being done. But that’s just it. There is something happening, but only gods know what.

It’s upsetting that I keep hitting this mental fog in my brain where I suddenly forget what has happened in the past month, let alone three days ago. At some point I sang, talked to people, fed cats. But I don’t freaking remember.

The one thing I could remember was my own promise to myself: I post on Wednesday, but I don’t finish before the concert, then I have a personal extension to no later than Thursday night. And at least this is a promise that I can keep.

Yet entering a new post makes the brain go blank and I am back to square one. I don’t remember what I’m doing and it maddening.

Yay winter and Christmas time. Pull out the cozy sweaters and herbal teas, and all the accoutrements. But I feel stuck at the moment. The location change does not help. The daily routine fracturing does not help. It feels that for as much so much as changed, very little has physically or obviously changed.

As someone who likes measuring progress and writing things down, it is unnerving to not have that trail. While yes I enjoy doing things and getting things done, if I cannot track and measure something I get very lost. I can barely keep track of my promises to myself, they have to jumpscare me at the end of the day.

It’s a sludge and the seasonal mixture of emotions leave an uncomfortable, heavy sensation. Call it the night journey of the soul, S.A.D. or just plain sad, it’s the quintessential part of winter.

This is the long dark and we do our best to light our homes to drive it back. But that darkness is the encroaching nature we are fighting. Yes it will be hard, so please check in on loved ones who are prone to falling under their own shadows. Mind that you also don’t step into the shadow of your own making. Remember during the rush of the normal day, we are still prone to our own ebbs and flows, which is still normal.

Still, though, I must persist and keep true to that spark that fuels this need to complete this Wednesday promise. It shall be a lamp in the empty house to welcome me home, “I still must write my blog.”

An ever small flicker of inspiration comes despite thoughts flowing and disappearing before I can jot them down. “I can still complete one little thing.”

This little blog is just a beacon flashing through the mental fog as I try to remember to eat an actual balanced meal, or stretch myself thin into something else. “I promised myself I will do this no matter what.”

If other ships pass by on their way through an ocean of content, or even leave a reaction, I hope that flicker of something also helps you. While I thank you for stopping by, I hope even more that you find inspiration to keep your own promises as well. This has brought me much joy and direction over the year.

May you also find an equal amount of satisfaction as we continue out into the dark waters of winter.

Thank you.